A Little Encouragement

I was recently encouraged by post of another family who is adopting.  They are adopting from Rwanda, which is just north of Burundi, and also has a similar make-up of people and history as Burundi.  Her post expresses how easy it is to despair and believe lies in the midst of waiting, during the adoption process.  So, want to share the encouraging thoughts with you.


MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 27, 2010

Crossing the Valley

On October 31, 2009, I stepped into our local FedEx office and handed the clerk five and a half months of eagerness, determination, and hope wrapped up in a two-inch-thick folder. Six weeks later, when my computer screen confirmed that folder’s arrival in Kigali, Rwanda, I wanted to climb up on the roof and scream to the world that the McLennans were finally DTR.

That was a mountaintop moment. “Gotcha Day” will be another. But in between these mountains lies a deep valley known as Waiting, and you can’t move from one peak to another without passing that way.

Waiting is a place of diverse terrain, sometimes dark and despairing, other times beautiful and serene. From a distance the valley appears calm, even stagnant. But all who travel there will tell you that Waiting is a battleground, and the enemy’s name is Deceit.

Deceit whispers many lies in the ears of travelers, some of which are cleverly disguised to sound like wisdom, hope, or noble conviction. The key to a successful journey is recognizing those lies for what they are, and listening for Truth’s response.

Following is a partial transcript of this traveler’s ongoing battle with Deceit in the Valley of Waiting:

1. “Harmless Distraction,” a.k.a. Wasting Time

Deceit whispers: Waiting doesn’t have to be so hard. Distract yourself—watch more television, keep your calendar full, make lots of plans. Time will pass more quickly if you’re too busy to think.

Truth responds: “…suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope…”(Romans 5:3b-4). There is pain in Waiting, but also great reward. Instead of burying yourself in distraction, choose to be still. Allow hours of stillness to open your eyes to hidden stains of pride in your thought life, your fear of surrender, lack of faith, and desire for praise from others. Choose stillness, and you will be better able to discern the voice of Him who leads you.

2. “Conviction,” a.k.a. Self-Righteousness

Deceit whispers: Vacations, new cars, eating out…those people obviously aren’t losing sleep over the orphans of the world. The money for their daily trip to Starbucks could go a long way toward your adoption expenses…

Truth responds: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3) Do you have food in your pantry? Have “leftovers” ever been a phenomenon in your home? Cease your complaints and comparisons, and beware of your misdirected pride in having less than some. Frugality is wise, but it doesn’t make you holy. Neither does adopting make you holy. Surrender your pride and echo the prayer of the repentant heart, “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

3. “Optimism,” a.k.a. Idealizing the Future

Deceit whispers: Waiting is the hardest part of adoption. Everything will be better when your baby is home.

Truth responds: “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth” (Proverbs 27:1). You dream of holding your little one close, rocking him to sleep, soothing every cry and loving away every fear. Are you doing this with the children you already have? Are you cherishing your husband, family, and friends…or are you losing ground to selfishness and pride? Rather than dreaming of a brighter future, devote yourself to loving others better today.

4. “Staying Informed,” a.k.a. Looking for Hope in All the Wrong Places:

Deceit whispers: Spend more time reading blogs, scouring chat groups, listening for rumors. The more information you can find, the better you’ll feel.

Truth responds: “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows”(James 1:17). Rumors are shifting shadows. Even the most sincere promises from trustworthy friends are shifting shadows. There is only one unchanging source of hope, and your adoption timeline rests in His hands alone.

5. “Realism,” a.k.a. Being a Victim

Deceit whispers: This wait is eternal, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re helpless, totally at the mercy of a foreign government.

Truth responds: “When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way” (Psalm 142:3). You are not waiting on Rwanda, you are waiting on God. He is good, He knows your heart, He loves your child, and He is faithful. Therefore, wait with hope, make room for stillness, and invest your energy in proactive ways—chronicle your journey, befriend other adoptive families, learn about your child’s birth country. Turn your eyes from yourself to others. Address the needs in front of you today, and leave tomorrow in God’s hands.

Remember, fellow travelers: Deceit’s end-game is confusion and discouragement. The enemy may not be able to prevent us from crossing the valley, but he can lead us down dangerous paths that bypass the many beauties of Waiting. Be vigilant, and remember that no matter what the enemy whispers in your ear, one thing is certain—Truth always has an answer. So as you walk, consume Truth, speak Truth, meditate upon Truth. Keep your eyes on the Word of Truth, for “your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path” (Psalm 119:105).

Until we meet on the mountaintop…

Thanks to Alison (no really, that's her name too!) for the post at her blog Embraced By Grace.

Dossier Time

"Dossier"  That word is so scary!  Our next step in the process is compiling lots of paperwork for our Dossier, and it's not going to be easy.  But, as Mark has said, "just take it one step at a time."  Good advice.  Is is so easy for me to look at the big picture, everything we have to get done, and get overwhelmed.  It is stressful to sit in a puddle of frustration day after day.  So, I must press on, taking it a day at a time.

One disappointing news item is that the only family ahead of us has dropped out of the Burundi program.  They decided that they has waited too long to pick up their child, so they switched programs to another country.  Unfortunately this means "their" child, the one picked out for them, will not be going home with a family any time soon.  It also makes me worry about the timeline for us to adopt when we reach that stage.  I must not despair, but remember that God is in control of timelines, governments, and mail services carrying our paperwork!  He has a plan for us, and He has a plan for that little one as well.  He will work things out in His time.

So, now on to the nitty gritty of paperwork gathering!

In the mail...

We received our copy of the home study in the mail today!

Dorky picture, I know!

Look at the nice note attached to it!  (I have to make it bigger, so that you can read it).  It's nice to have this step done!

Just a quick update and praise

We mailed all our documents for the I-800A application to our agency!  After getting a hold of the USCIS Military Help Line, I found out that I could get our fingerprints done on the base and just submit them with our application.  We had already been fingerprinted earlier, so I had a copy of fingerprints on hand to send in.  This is big!  In most cases, you submit your application, wait several weeks to get a fingerprinting appointment, then wait several more weeks just to get your fingerprints taken.  After that, they are processed by the FBI, and the results returned to USCIS.  In a sense, we are shortcutting through the beginning of that process.  Hopefully they except our fingerprints and start processing them right away!  This is our prayer, because there is always a chance they say, "Well, we want you to get them done again."  In any case, right now our paperwork is in our agency's hands, and they will be submitting it to USCIS for us.  So, hopefully that will be soon!

One...Two...More??

Recently we have been preparing our application to request permission from the US government to bring a foreign child into the United States through adoption.  This application is called the I-800A.  Filing out forms is easy enough, but this form presented a dilemma for me.

As Mark and I are going though this process, we have been planning on and picturing bringing home one young child to begin our family.  Our home study, interestingly, indicates that we are approved to bring home two children.  I think because we had originally told our home study provider that we are looking to adopt a child, but we would be open to a young sibling pair.  The question the I-800A asks is this: 

"Do you plan to concurrently adopt more than one child from the same Convention country? (Home study must contain a specific recommendation for the number of children you plan to adopt)"  Then we have to check "Yes" or "No" and "How Many?" 

What?  We have to make a decision now?  Our home study says two children, but what if we only want one?  I am not good at test questions like this!  What will the government think if we only adopt one child?  

And then I thought, God... what does this mean?  Are we supposed to adopt two children??  But this is how I was feeling... I only want to adopt one child first, so I can get the whole "mommy" thing figured out, and figure out how to connect to my child and help them feel apart of our family.  Then after that, we'll see what comes next.  But in my heart I know that once having my one child home, I will feel like I have more love to give, and more room in our home for another child.  How could I not feel this way?

And here's the thing, if we are presented with the option to adopt one young child of a sibling pair, how could we not adopt the sibling as well?  It would break our hearts to leave one behind.  Plus, there's all the other things that run through my head... our first child needs a play mate, it would be nice to have a brother or sister that looks like them, we want increase our family anyway, etc. etc.  But does that mean two at once?  

(Just a random photo of some orphans)

Only God can tell.  This we know.  God is sovereign, and He is a loving God over all creation.  He knows the child and/or children that will be joining our family.  He knows when they will be joining our family.  Is God trustworthy?  Absolutely!  Do I trust Him enough to put my faith in action, take a leap of faith, and fully believe that He will enable us to parent two children at once and provide for us in mighty ways?  That is what I pray I have the strength to do.  

This is what God has been showing me recently...  I must be willing to be humble and to rest in my weakness.  It is the very place God wants me to be, so that His power is made perfect in my weakness!  I cannot wait until I become the "perfect" mom before I adopt.  I cannot wait until I have fully implemented all the attachment strategies with my first child before even considering another.  Don't get me wrong, I am fully committed to working hard with our children to help them feel a part of our family, attached, and loved.  Does any new mom feel she is ready and perfect before having a child?  I am not perfect.  But I know Someone who is!  God can heal any hurt and trauma our children will experience.  He can use me to help them know about Him.  But I must not get in the way by trying to do things in my own strength.  I must be comfortable in my weakness, only so that he can be my strength. (This is hard for me because I am a perfectionist).

I must decrease.  He must increase.

Though the simple I-800A question caused me to think about so many things, it is worth it.  In the end, we said, "Yes, 2 children," knowing now that this does not mean we ARE adopting 2 children.  But that we have the option to if God calls us to do it.  So, don't freak out, we don't have any information on children yet.  We are just working on paperwork now, and dealing with the US government.  Thanks for bothering to read my crazy thoughts!

A Frog He Would a-Wooing Go?

While we were out and about the other day, I bought a CD of nursery rhymes, called this:

Ring-a-Ring O' Roses

(My CD actually has a more cartoon-like cover of kids holding hands in a circle)

Now if you are an American, you might think they got the title wrong.  What it "should" say is: Ring-Around the Rosie, right?  Well, the interesting thing about this CD is that it is British, produced by the English Heritage Society.  So, I thought it would be interesting to let our kids learn a few of the old-favorites nursery rhymes, but with a twist.  (Though, I don't think I knew quite how big of a twist it would be when I was buying the CD).  Some of the songs have different lyrics and different tunes.  And in true British pomp, it is accompanied by stringed instruments and sung by British choral-like voices.

What about you?  What was your favorite (or shall I say favourite) nursery rhyme?  Here are a few that are included on the CD:

1. Ring-a-Ring O'Roses
2. Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush
3. Baa Baa Black Sheep
4. Three Blind Mice
5. Jack and Jill Went Up the Hill
6. Hot Cross Buns
7. Hickory Dickory Dock
8. Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star
9. Hush-a-Bye Baby On the Tree Top
10.  Humpty Dumpty

And some that you may not know:

1. The Grand Old Duke of York
2. Oranges and Lemons
3. I Had a Little Nut Tree
4. Lavender's Blue
5. Dance, a Baby Diddy
6. The North Wind Doth Blow
7. Who Killed Cock Robin?
8. If All the World Were Paper
9. Oats and Beans and Barley Grow
10. A Frog He Would a-Wooing Go

Hmm... What do these all mean?

Lastly, UPDATE: Our home study was finalized!  Woo Hoo!  We are getting closer now!  I will be awaiting a copy of it, so I can apply to USCIS.  Thanks for the prayers.

Update Thursday

I got some good news yesterday.  The one file we were waiting on to complete our home study was finally sent in to our agency!  I had submitted a request about a month ago and never got a response.  After a month of trying to contact someone, I finally got through yesterday, only to find out... they had just faxed it that morning!  So, it is a big praise that they actually got the fax in the first place, and we didn't have to put the request in again.  And it's a big praise that it is actually through now.  So I will start working on Step 5 now, apply for approval from the US government (US Citizenship and Immigration).  Yeah!

We are getting closer day by day!  I want to jump for joy, like this fun picture of these Zambian kids: