Family: A Cultural Perspective

We recently attended a public seminar on differences in culture.  One thing that was interesting during the seminar was the discussion of "family."

The speaker asked one attendee, "Lucy, how many people are in your family?"
Before she responds, I briefly thought about my answer... "Four, my mom, my dad, and my brother."
Then Lucy responds with a shocked look, like she finds it difficult to answer the question.  She says, with a  breath and a small laugh, "A lot."
My thoughts, "Well, maybe she has a big family like Mark, maybe 12 or 13.  That seems like 'A lot' to me."
Lucy then guesses, "... about 20."
My thoughts, shock, and then confusion.

What the speaker pointed out, and what I didn't consider, is that Lucy comes from a Latino background, and she views all her aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc. as "FAMILY."

My thoughts, "Oh, yeah... well, when you put it that way.... Oops!  I guess I forgot to count my husband too!"

I automatically thought about who I considered my "nuclear" family growing up.  I forgot to think about who my family is now.  But to be honest, I might only add one more person, my husband.  But if I were to approach the question from Lucy's perspective (or Lucy's culture), I would have a lot bigger family... adding in all of my husband's family, nieces, nephews, cousins, aunt, grandma, etc.

Why is our my definition of family so narrow?  Who told me, when I was growing up or somewhere along the way, that FAMILY only consisted of those who are living in your house with you, and who you are blood-related to?

Interestingly enough, Americans tend to have this narrow view far more often than other cultures around the world.  And the more you move up the socio-economic ladder the more narrow your definition.  It seems to come with a sense of independence... I can handle things on my own... I have enough money and resources at this point that I don't need to rely on others (even on my family).

Whereas, in poorer countries, family is everything!  Family is who you rely on because you can't make it on your own.  You need each other.

Why must we lose our sense of interdependency as we succeed in America?  What bothers me more is, why didn't I think of those who I am not blood-related to as My Family?  If you had given me more time to think, I am sure I would come up with the "correct" answer, but it bothers me that my first thought was so narrow.

Why does it bother me?  Because I have a child that is about to join our family, and not through natural blood relation.  I want my child to feel in every way a part of our family.  I want to be a mother who feels like my child is in every way TRULY FAMILY.  And I want my relatives, blood-related or not, to view my child as TRULY FAMILY.

My child will not look like me nor my husband, but they will be ours.  They will share the same last name, share the same family interests, and possibly act, in some ways, just like us... their Mom and Dad.

So who defines "Family"?  The Americans?  The British?  The Burundians?  Who is the Creator of Family?   The One who created each and every one of us... Our Creator God.  In the beginning God brought together Adam and Eve in the first ever family.  The Bible shows us God choosing a people to be His people, beginning with a family of twelve (what I had considered a big family), and expanded to many many descendants.  And God did the unthinkable... He sent His Son, His FAMILY, to earth to show us Himself, and to go to the cross to die for the sins of mankind.  And having risen again, He accomplishes the most amazing task of making it possible for ALL of us to become a part of His family.

Who's family am I a part of?  I could say the one I grew up with.  I could say the one I married into.  But I wouldn't be as blessed as I am if I did not count my Heavenly Family.  I have been chosen, saved, redeemed, and brought into the Family of God.  He calls me His child.  I am not blood-related.  I am ADOPTED!  I am adopted as a TRUE daughter of my Heavenly Father.

May my definition of Family not be so narrow.  May I always look to Him for the definition of Family.  May my child see himself or herself as part of our earthly family, and also a part of the Family of God!

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Update: We have slowly received back most of our paperwork.  We are only waiting on our approval from the US government to come back, plus a delayed psychological evaluation to get done soon.  Our appointment to get it done on base proved ineffective, so now we are going through the referral process to get it done in town.  Hopefully we can get in an appointment sometime at the end of this week or next week.  The holiday schedule is upon us, and it would be nice to get some things done before everyone stops working for Christmas.  Thank you all for your prayers!