BAD NEWS, but NEWS THAT GOD HAS ORDAINED

Yes, it is BAD NEWS.

My heart has been ripped open this weekend as we were told by our agency that we will NOT be able to adopt from Burundi.  We were told that what they discovered when they were in Africa a few weeks ago, was that Burundi does not have the system in place to process adoptions according to regulations of the Hague Treaty that they signed.  They are simply not at the point to process anything right now.  And adoptions from Burundi at this point are NOT A VIABLE OPTION.

I feel that we have suffered a terrible loss.  Our hopes, our dreams, our prayers for our little child from Burundi have been cut off.  We will not get to see them come to fruition, at least not at this time.  I can not describe how painful it has been to deal with this loss, as well as wrestle with questioning what God is doing with our lives.  Let's just say I have cried every day that we found out, multiple times a day.

I did not want to share this info with anyone.  I did not want to be exposed.  I felt so raw.  But, God was working hard on my heart.  He has shown me a lot in these past couple of days.  I have been faced with my desire to control everything in life.  I have been faced with my own pride.  I have been faced with my lack of faith.  I have been pushed placed at the bottom.  But this is exactly where I need to be.  Completely dependent on the Lord, not on myself.

It is here at the bottom that I have a choice to offer worship to My God as a sacrifice of praise, when I don't feel like trusting Him.  My feelings do not change the fact of who God is.  They do not change the fact that I must trust Him, and give Him thanks in all circumstances.

I simply DO NOT UNDERSTAND what God is doing.  I want to know WHY?  Why did this happen?  Why did we spend our time, energy, and resources on a baby that will never come to be with our family?  But I do not have to know why.  I do not have to understand.  That is what faith is about!  What I must know, is what God says to be true in His Word,

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." ~Romans 8:28

God is working this loss for good in my life.  I may not see the good now, or maybe not ever (Oh, I hope I do!), but He is working.

Well, where does that leave us now?  We have been praying for wisdom on what to do next.  

I will be honest with you on how things are shaking out.  Our current agency has given us the option to go with their Uganda program.  Typically, the children that are available are an older age than we were originally hoping to find.  However, they may have a child for us.  I cannot give you details.  Besides, there is a lot of work to do in order to get to the point where we could adopt this certain child.  But we have told them that we are open to the possibility.

In addition, we are considering joining another agency to pursue a concurrent adoption from the Democratic Republic of Congo.  This program may work out well for our family.  We will see where it leads us, as we are just beginning to be open to new possibilities.

So, this means that our lives are about to change a bit.  

-Concurrent adoptions means that we may need more finances than we expected (on top of the fact that we may have lost all the money that we put into our old agency).

-We need a LOT of prayer for this journey.

-I haven't mentioned it yet, but Mark will also be heading off on an "all-expense paid vacation to the middle east" during this time as well, which may complicate things.

-We will have to start over with some of the paperwork.

But as crazy as our lives are going to be in 2011, God is in it!  He is working something that we can't understand.  And it is really amazing that He has even given me the strength and hope to write this blog and to continue on this process after our devastating loss.  I am not confident that I won't cry tomorrow, or even for the next whole week.  But what else can I do but move ahead in God's grace?

So our Bad News was really bad, but my perspective is one that must change to the fact that it was News That Was Ordained By God for us.  It was His way of telling us that He had a different plan for us.  It was His way of moving us onto His path, in His perfect timing.

Not my will, but Your will be done, Lord!