A Peek Inside

I don't normally do this, but I thought maybe it would be interesting for you to read a recent journal entry of mine.  Maybe it will be an encouragement, maybe it will just solidify just how sinful I am, or maybe it will at least inform you on what it's like to be me in this stage of waiting right now.  This journal entry can never be used if I am not willing to be vulnerable with you guys, so here I will be.  

Maybe you are in the waiting stage too?  And maybe you feel the same. 

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Dec. 14th

I have been so worried lately and so focused on getting a court date.  I guess you can say it has consumed the last two weeks of my thought life.  

Yikes!  Where my treasure is there my heart will be also.  I may have been treasuring a court date or treasuring Baby Boy more than treasuring God!  

I want my thoughts to be consumed with God, not a court date.  By focusing on the wrong thing I forget the truth.  God reminded me today that Baby Boy belongs to Him.  Baby Boy is His, He created him, He watches over him, He plans his life.  

Maybe I've been a little confused into thinking that I plan Baby Boy's life, that his future depends on me.  In fact, when my prayers for a court date are met with silence, I feel that I may be doing something wrong.  Maybe I'm not praying enough?  Maybe I am not praying fervently?  Maybe I need to pray more expectantly?  Maybe I'm not being faithful enough with my life?  Wow, I am amazed at how I feel like I would have that much power over how God acts!  And if I am honest, I am trying to manipulate the situation.  "OK, so if I pray really hard, and if I give God a specific date that I want to hear back, then He'll answer and listen to my prayer." Or, "Maybe if I journal about prayer, then when I am done, I'll find an email with the court date."  Or, "I just need to say, 'Lord, I give up.  It's in Your hands,' and that's when He'll come through."

I can't believe I am such a manipulator-- or maybe I CAN believe it!  I guess I realized that I am not satisfied with the way God is doing things.  I am not truly worshipping Him.  Maybe I don't believe that God has my best in mind, nor that He has Baby Boy's best in mind.  I think, "This is obvious because He wouldn't be keeping us apart and leaving Baby boy in an orphanage if He did have our best in mind"

Do I not believe that God is GOOD?  He is.  That is the Truth.  

By our baby being where he is now, and me being here, it doesn't mean that God is not good, or that He is being mean, or that He is too ignorant to know what is going on.  The Truth, the reality, is that God is good.  God is working what is best for Baby Boy.  He is working what is best for me.  He is in control.  Nothing is stopping Him from bringing Baby Boy and I together.  Nothing and No One can stand against Him.  (He parted the Red Sea after all!)  

If God wants us in Uganda, He would have us there now.  The fact that we are not, means that He has a purpose for us being here and our son being there.

I can remember that Baby Boy belongs to God, and I can trust God... I can trust that God is working for our son's good.  He is not letting him suffer any more than is necessary for God to get all the glory, and for God's purposes of growth in Baby Boy's life.  He knows our little one, inside and out.  He created him.  He knows what his future is like... the kinds of struggles he'll have, the lessons he will learn.

Why is God leaving Baby Boy in an orphanage as long as He is?  Because God is not done working on our baby's heart.  Because He has a purpose for every minute he is there.

Why is God letting me struggle so long without a child, or specifically, without Baby Boy?  Because God has a specific purpose for every minute I am here.  

If I truly believe that God is in control and that He can make things happen at any time, then there is no need to worry about a court date, or the courts closing for the holidays.  We are traveling to Uganda when God says we are traveling to Uganda... when He deems the timing to be perfect.  Not before.  Not after.  Not earlier.  Not later.  Baby Boy will be united with his family when God's perfect time comes.  Not before.  Not after.  Not earlier.  Not later.  God knows when it is best for both of us.

I am human, limited, and I don't know.  

Lord, let me trust you!  Let me be OK with waiting however long it takes to be united with my son.  Lord, if it is not soon, even if it is not within several months, You are STILL GOOD!  You are Still Trustworthy.  May You satisfy me, not court dates or Baby Boy.  Help me to understand the purpose you have for me for every second that I wait.  Help me to believe the truth that you are in control.  Let me worship You alone and be satisfied with you only.

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Anybody ever been there?  Anybody ever been waiting on something for so long and wonder why your prayers are being answered with silence?  

God is Good.  He has a purpose for you in the waiting time.  It's through our perseverance in trials that we grow stronger.  


Tiny Update:
-We have been assigned a judge that will see our case.  That is good news.  
-We may not hear of a court date until the new year because the judges take a break for the holidays and go to a national conference in the beginning of January (But God is still Good!).  
-Today we got re-fingerprinted for our immigration application to bring Baby Boy home.  Our fingerprints were expiring because it had been so long since we first filed.  We had a smooth drive down to the nearest USCIS office (1 hour+ away), and we got in and out very quickly.  We had an appointment for Christmas Eve, but took our letters with us and asked to be processed right away, and they didn't seem to have a problem with it at all!  Answer to prayer!

Pray:
-Please keep praying for us and Baby Boy!
-Pray for our patience and endurance during this time.
-Pray for our marriage to be strengthened and supportive
-Pray for Baby Boy to stay healthy and get as much of the love and care he can.

Thank you for your prayers!

Some neat videos about Uganda

This video is about the chess sensation Phiona who is from Kampala, Uganda.  Her amazing life story is going to be made into a Disney movie!!

This video is about a project to go to Uganda and record the music of several orphaned and homeless children on the streets of Kampala.  They are raising funds to make the album.

Waiting on Pins and Needles

Waiting... oh, I don't like waiting.  But that is a big part of the adoption process!

Most of the time it is a "hurry-up and wait," but right now we just have to... wait.

There is the rush to do tons of paperwork... and then waiting on it to arrive there by mail.

The rush to submit applications... and then waiting for a response.

We rushed, rushed, rushed to get our Home Study done, and dossier complete (which we did in really good time!), and now we are waiting for that elusive court date......

*Please pray we hear something soon!  Pray that the Lord goes before us, and that we are able to get a court date as soon as possible.* 

Our son is waiting!  We heard he had measles a couple of weeks ago, but he seems to be better now.  This breaks my heart, because I can't be there to help him feel better.  He doesn't have a mom who will give him medicine, snuggle with him, read him stories and stay with him until he feels better.  An orphanage is no place for a child to grow up!  He needs his parents, and we long to be there for him soon.

So, this court date that we are waiting on is SO HUGE!  It not only means when we will be petitioning to be Baby Boy's parents, it also means when we will be MEETING OUR SON!  It means when we will be traveling to UGANDA!  It means when we will finally be able to share his NAME and PHOTOS!  It means the beginning of a whole NEW ADVENTURE!  Aaaaahhhhhhhh!!! :-D  We are so excited.

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In the waiting... we have been working a little more on the nursery.  I still want to hang a few things before I show pictures of the final project.

We found a good deal on a glider on Craigslist!  We had to borrow a friend's SUV late at night to go pick it up, but now we have a sweet place to rock our son to sleep.

I have the rocker downstairs right now, but may move it up to the nursery when it gets closer.

I also attended a class on the base called "Bundles for Babies."  I have been waiting to attend this class for a long time!  But I was never in the spot where I could say I was truly expecting.  (There were so many unknowns before).  But now I can say that I truly AM expecting... Baby Boy is coming soon.  So I went to the class (filled with pregnant women) and learned a little bit about the resources available to soon-to-be parents.  Not only did we get free juice and cookies while we were there, but we also got a free bundle of goodies courtesy of the Air Force Aid Society!  Working with Gerber, they provided all these great starter items, and someone had hand-knitted a bunch of blankets too!

Look at all that free stuff!

I am so thankful to have these few things.  It gave me something to put in Baby Boy's dresser, and helps me feel like we are somewhat prepared for him (say if we have to go earlier than we expect, yikes!) except for the fact that we don't have a single diaper in this house.  Things really are coming together.  The reality of bringing him home is so overwhelming at times- overwhelming with JOY!

(Looking forward to meeting you soon, Sweet Boy!)