What a crazy summer it has been

Dear Friends and Family and Random Blog Readers,

I apologize for being so absent!  I know, it's been a long time since I posted!  A lot has happened in the past few months.

How can I sum this up?  As I said before... Adoption is a Roller Coaster!

OK, a little background.  Earlier this summer, we started hearing about problems with our agency.  Serious problems.  Yeah, the wait was taking FOREVER... yeah, people are bound to complain about this or that... but the things we started hearing were unbelievable!  Soon enough, the agency admitted there were problems.

What kind of problems are serious enough to cause so much concern?

Well, the in-country staff seem to no longer have the best interest of the children in mind.  Unethical practices surfaced.  There were cases of embezzling money, so less money would go to the care of the children.  Faking documents.  Lying about ages, the existence of siblings, and lying to the children about what adoption really meant.  Kidnapping children.  Yeah... let's just say that the coordinator is now in jail.  

  

Disclaimer: I have not personally verified all information.  I can only trust the things that I have been hearing from other adoptive parents, combined with responses I have personally gotten from the agency.  Someone else in the program may have a completely different experience.

OK, so you have to understand that there are no guarantees that things will go 100% smooth, and 100% ethical in international adoption, especially with new programs in Africa.  

The fact is, corruption does exist in the DRC.

Good agencies are trying their best to insure they conduct ethical practices as much as possible.  Checks need to be in place to make sure everyone is acting honestly.  And sadly, our agency wasn't doing much checking.  I don't want to mention what happens as a result of this. 

If you are involved in international adoption, please ask your agency what they are doing to ensure their program is ethical.  How many times per year do the staff travel to the country to make sure things are happening correctly?

Other red flags... Can they give you a break-down of where the fees are going?  Can they prove their orphan support expenses?  Do they have receipts?

These are answers that we were not getting from our agency.  Now, recently, the agency has been making some changes to the program that seem to be helping.  I sure hope they can turn things around.  However, concerns still exist, therefore... 

We have decided to put our DRC adoption ON HOLD.  We cannot move forward with this agency at this point.

Yes, we know, that this complicates things.  We know that our home study is set to expire, as well as our immigration approval.  If we are not comfortable moving forward, then we will gladly risk the money and headache to re-do these things at a later time, so that we do not violate our consciences.  We DO NOT want to be involved in anything illegal or unethical!

OK, so what's next for us?

First of all we need to close on the house we are trying to buy now that we have moved to California.

Next, we are looking into the possibility of pursuing domestic adoption.  This means we are matched with woman in the United States who is about to give birth and is looking to place her child for adoption.  We would be able to bring a newborn baby home from the hospital, and there is the potential that the program will move a lot quicker than our current DRC program.  We are excited about this possibility.  We know there are many babies who need homes (especially African-American babies) and we are open to accepting and loving a little one into our family.

We are still working on finding the right agency to help us pursue this possibility.  That brings us to the paperwork.

Paperwork!

Already as it stands, we are needing to update our Home Study.  We have moved countries, moved homes, and it's been about a year since it was completed.  It is a good time to refocus and decide what we want to update.  We are looking for a Home Study agency who will helps us write a domestic home study as well as have the capability to write an international home study.

What about Africa?

We still hold Africa in our hearts.  We are not saying no to adopting from Africa, but we might be saying not now.

Strange Update: earlier this summer we got an email from our Uganda agency out of the blue.  

We were told that our Sweet Pea's mother had returned to the baby home with her daughter and was wanting to place her for adoption now.  WHAT!?  We thought that chapter was closed!  The agency was traveling to Uganda in July and would find out if this is a possibility again.

I have to say, my heart skipped a beat!  I love that little girl and want so badly to care for her if she needs a mamma.  But I am now cautious, knowing that until paperwork is completely ready, there is no guarantee that it will go through.  

I just heard from the agency today.  Baby girl is not ready to be adopted, and it would be a very difficult process to complete.  It is not worth the risk, and we are sad to see this is the case.

However... while in Uganda, the agency found another baby who is a possibility for our family!  Talk about the roller coaster!  Up, down, up down!  They still have to collect more information on the situation, and find out if it will go through easily.  We didn't expect to be adopting from Uganda again!  And we are still not sure we will.  Possibilities are one thing, but completed paperwork is another.

So, can we ask for your prayers?  We need wisdom to make the right the decisions.  I just read on another blog today... God is Always, Always, ALWAYS on time!  So I have to trust that the reason it has taken us almost three years to this point is because God is working to place the child or children that are meant to be a part of our family at JUST THE RIGHT TIME!

Honestly, at times, I am completely at wit's end.  I am ready to give up.  This process is too painful.  This process is too long.  I cannot handle any more.  How do I keep faith in the middle of all of this?  I guess, it takes just clinging to God in full dependence on Him.  Trusting, that He has a plan for us.  Following what we believe to be His will.  We have an adversary that wants us to give up and give in.  I do not want him to win. 

I am thankful that Christ has overcome!

Pushing Forward

Thank you all for the sweet comments and encouragement in this process!  We are excited to still be on this journey towards our child from the DRC.

We know it is a long journey, and this child will not get to live in our current house before we move, but they will join us someday!

So we are taking in the waiting process and trying to enjoy our time together as a family of two.  The waiting is tough, so please keep praying for us to be sustained though this journey.

Some good news:

We are now number 8 on the wait list for a referral!!!!!!!!!!!

Yippeee!!

Waiting and Positive Adoption Language

I know it has been a while since I wrote.  We are still in the waiting phase.  We haven't heard any news recently, though we have been promised news "soon."  I guess "soon" is a relative term when it comes to things getting done in Uganda.  We are still waiting to hear what our next step is with the little girl in Uganda.

As for the DRC, we are still #10 on the wait list the last that I checked.  Things have been moving slowly, but they are picking up now.  I hope that we will move at least one spot closer soon.

In the meantime, I wanted to post something from an email newsletter I get about how we/you can all talk about adoption.  This is from American Adoptions:


A New Year's Resolution: Using Positive Adoption Language

It's that time of year. You've committed to that diet. This will be the year you stop drying laundry on the treadmill and start running on it. And you're going to start paying more attention to recycling. But how about a new year's resolution related to adoption?

Words can be very powerful things. Although you may not know it, some of the adoption language commonly heard today can actually have a very negative effect on adoption, as well as adopted children, adoptive families and birth parents.

The way we speak about adoption helps others form their opinion of adoption. It can also impact how an adopted child feels about their adoption and identity. For example, referring to your child as your "adopted son" or "adopted daughter" could make them feel as if they don't truly belong to your family, a feeling that could greatly impact a child's self-esteem.

In addition, one very commonly used phrase regarding birth parents is that they "gave up" or "gave away" their child for adoption. This negative term implies that the birth parents didn't care about their child - when, in reality, birth parents choose adoption out of nothing but love for their child. Instead of this negative language, say that a birth parent "placed their child for adoption" or that they "made an adoption plan." This positive language more accurately reflects the situation, without painting a negative picture of birth parents.

According the U.S. Census, 1 in 25 households with children has at least one adopted child. An even greater ratio of people have certainly been touched by adoption through friends and extended families.

That's why we're promoting the use of positive adoption language as a new year's resolution. It's up to us to change the conversation among our friends and families and in our schools and communities. Below is a list of some commonly used negative adoption language and the positive phrases that should be used in their place:

Negative: Real parent
Positive: Birth parent, birth mother, birth father

Negative: Give up/give away child for adoption
Positive: Place child for adoption, make an adoption plan

Negative: To keep
Positive: To parent

Negative: Unwanted child
Positive: Child placed for adoption

Negative: Is adopted
Positive: Was adopted

Negative: Adoptive parent
Positive: Parent

Negative: Handicapped
Positive: Child with special needs

Negative: Illegitimate
Positive: Born to unmarried parents

Now you guys know how to "talk the talk" whenever you are wanting to ask a family about their adoption.  Hope this helps!

God is Good!

You guys prayed... and a miracle happened!  We received our I-600A approval from the USCIS in the mail yesterday!  Not only did we get the approval for the DRC, which we were expecting, but we also got the approval for Uganda!!

Remember, I said it usually takes two months for these to be approved, and they only started processing our Uganda application on the 25th of November, because they didn't realize they already had the fingerprints?  Well, it got approved, not two moths later, but THREE  DAYS LATER!!!!

It is amazing to see how God is working!  There may be a reason why we got these important papers back so soon.  It gives me more hope that maybe things will work out after all.

Keep praying, because there still is a lot that needs to happen.  You guys are participators in this miracle!  Be a participator in hopefully a successful adoption of our little Uganda girl!

-Pray for specific permission papers to be signed in Uganda

-Pray for the Ugandan government, the embassy, and the ministry who are thinking about implementing some changes in the system, which could significantly slow down our adoption, if not make it a not viable option for us anymore.

-Pray for us to keep faithful, and keep persevering through these trials!

It's about the Journey

Our adoption journey has certainly been nothing less than a roller coaster! The up's and down's, the hurry-up's and wait's, excitement and disappointment.  It has been tough!

This month we will have officially been on this journey of adoption for two years!

Two years ago, I believed we would have a child in our family by now.  Two years ago, we thought we would be adopting from Burundi.  Two years ago I had just a fragment of knowledge about the adoption process, and raising an adopted child.

Yes, we have grown so much in those two years.  And maybe that is all that God had intended for us.  Maybe it is not in His plans for us to be able to adopt.  But I believe it is in His character.  He has a heart for adoption.  He has a heart for orphans.

Recently hearing from our Uganda agency has left us more unsure that this adoption will go through.  Again, another up and down to our journey.  But we are hanging in there, because God hasn't told us any different.

Recently hearing about the DRC progress, it seems the wait is very long.  It may be another year before we even get a referral of a child.  And another year after that that we would even get to travel to bring that child home.  Of course, these are conservative estimates, but I can't help but feel a little weary.

Are you telling me that if this Uganda adoption doesn't go through, and we wait on the DRC adoption, that we may not be adding a child to this family until 2013 going on 2014!?  I had NO IDEA that this would be a process that would take 4+ years!

I guess that is why our blog title is about our JOURNEY.  It is not about a quick 1-year process that ends at the airport where people welcome us home.  It is a life-long, and very difficult journey.  Did we know what we were getting ourselves into?  No.  But we trusted.  We trusted that this is the plan that God had asked us to follow.  So we started the journey, and we are still trusting that He has a reason and a purpose in all of this.  We hope to be the family that a child can call 'home.'  We hope to share love with a child that needs that love and care.

And for God's reason, He picked US to go on this journey.

Even if it is a roller coaster!

A good post to go hand-in-hand with what we are going through, is found on the blog of another adoptive family in the waiting process.  Please read, because it expresses how we feel as well!  Meg and her husband are adopting from Ethiopia.

Anticipation

It is pretty exciting to think about our little girl coming home to live with us here.  Everything in our house looks different now.  Instead of looking at a room and thinking, "Well, she probably won't ever get to play in this room," now I am thinking "Whoa, look at those spider webs over there.  She is going to get into that stuff.  I can just imagine her crawling all over this place!"  And peaking into the family bathroom, "there's the tub that we'll give her baths in."  I can't wait for her to get here!

As far as our Congo adoption, we are holding steady at the same number on the wait list.  Things are moving slowly lately.  But I did get a call back from the USCIS about our application.  It is going to be finished up late next week!  Just waiting on the fingerprints to come back from being processed.  Not long after we bring home our daughter, our newly-formed family of three will increase to four or more!  I am looking forward to that referral!

New Number

I am happy to report that we are now number....

10!!! For our DRC referral.

Moving up a spot in only a few weeks is great!

Sorry for the lack of posts. My computer is broken right now, so all I can do is post with my phone. Just wanted to share the good news.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Blog Hop

I joined a Blog Hop.  A what?  I had never heard the term before!  It's a "linky-uppy" to other adoption blogs!

So, my adoption yahoo group led me to this blog of a family also adopting from the DRC that is advertising the blog hop.  Finding other adoptive families, even only in the blog world, is so helpful to feeling like we are not alone!  There are other people out there going through the same process, some of them at the same time!

In case you want to check out more blogs, Here is the post with all the blog links.

If you have come to visit from the Blog Hop, Welcome!  I am not a professional blogger or anything, just trying to update friends and family on what is going on.  You can look at the list of blog archives on the right, or I have my posts split into a few labels, so you can only look at the ones pertaining to, say, the DRC.-- also listed on the right, scroll down.

Feel free to leave me a comment about your journey!

On our way to referral!

I heard from our Congo agency today!  They received our dossier paperwork and we are now officially on the wait list for a referral!  We are number......

#11 on the wait list!!!!!!

Only 10 families in front of us waiting for their referrals too.  I am optimistic that this will move at a good pace.  I am so looking forward to seeing our son or daughter's face and knowing their name.  Please pray with me that we will move quickly up the waiting list!

Because it gets me excited, I wanted to post a video of the Congolese song that Mark and I had in our wedding.  The moment we became Mr. and Mrs. we played this song, and started our life together:

"Yesu Azali Awa" (Jesus is Here) by Selah.




Also, please keep praying for Uganda.  We really need these papers in Uganda to get signed, in order for us to bring home baby girl.  Thanks!

Homestudy!!!

In this journey of adoption...

After compiling a lot of this:

We did a lot of this:

Then asked a lot of people for this:

And then today... this arrives:

Our Homestudy for the Democratic Republic of Congo!  

(Notice how smooth I am at taking a picture of myself.  Of course I had to get the flowers in the background that my husband sent me, and I just couldn't help the cheesy "thumbs up.")

Now that we have the Homestudy in hand, I was able to send in all our documents for our dossier to our agency.  So, I compiled my paperwork, wrote a heavy check, and tied it up with a pretty bow:

And then rushed to the post office to mail it express to our agency:

I also mailed off the homestudy to the USCIS for processing our application to bring a child into the U.S.  

YEAH!  We are now getting put on the waiting list for the DRC in order to receive a referral of a child.  As soon as I find out where we are on the list I will let you know, and then you can pray like crazy that our number moves up the list!  This is so exciting!

Please continue to pray for our Uganda homestudy to arrive soon.  I knew it would be a little bit behind the DRC one, but they are both taking longer than I expected.

So that brings me to something else God showed me today.  The past two and a half weeks I have been a little obsessive about checking my mailbox.  I knew the homestudies would be on the way and I wanted to make sure I picked them up right away.  So, I drove the long 12-minute distance (OK, 12 minutes is not that long) to the Postal Service Center (PSC) where I pick up my mail, and checked my little 5 x 10 inch square box for a package slip.  Each day yielded no Homestudy.  I prayed and prayed.  I asked other people to pray.

Finally, I decided that what I needed was to just believe in faith that they would arrive.  So, I prepared the additional paperwork I needed to just throw in an envelope with the homestudy to mail it off, right there when I was in the post office.  I drove there, parked, and considered if I should bring in all the papers.  I decided, "Today is the day, I am going to bring these papers with me in faith, and my homestudies will just appear in my box."  (Yes, maybe I hoped that God would be a magic genie or something).  They weren't there that day.  I was sad, and confused.  I wondered why it didn't work.  But I kept praying.

Then today arrived.  After having coffee at a friend's house, I drove home to have lunch and then planned on heading to my PSC to check my mail.  When I arrived home, there was a big thick white envelope package on the floor, that had been dropped through my mail slot.  It was the homestudy!  As it turns out they had mailed it to my home instead of my PSC!  I was not expecting that!

I then realized that God was still there answering my prayers, but it a different way then I expected.  That day I went into the post office in faith, I believe God was trying to tell me, "Alison, I see your faith.  I haven't given up on you.  I am still working, but this is not the way that your homestudy will arrive.  My ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts.  You are worrying so much about missing out on a package that will never arrive in that place.  Rest and trust in Me.  I am in control.  I will answer your prayers in ways you never expect!"

I had put God into a box (maybe even a 5 x 10 inch box).  In my limited understanding, I assumed He only worked in this one way.  But instead, He blew my socks off!  He causes me to look at the bigger picture of His involvement in this whole process.  It is not up to me!  Whether or not I check my PO box does not effect God's plan for this adoption!  He will still make it happen, and it will happen in His perfect timing.  That package dropping through my door was God answering my prayers and the prayers of all my friends, and it was in His perfect way and His perfect time.

What more does He have in store for us?  I can't wait to see how He blows my imagination next!  Praise the Lord with me today! 

God Answers!

Wow!  Thank you guys for praying!  I got our FBI Clearance in the mail today!!!!  So, now the paperwork phase for our homestudy is complete!

Everything needs to be mailed in, and assembled, verified, copied, etc. still, but we are on our way there!

What happens next?
-Our homestudy agency should provide us several copies of our homestudy.
-One copy will be included in a Dossier that will be sent to Uganda, and also one for the Dossier sent to the DRC.
-Our paperwork for the Dossiers is almost done.  Prior to submitting it we will need to include the approval from the USCIS (US Citizen and Immigration Services).  So please pray that it arrives in a timely manner!
-Once Dossiers are submitted we start the waiting game again.

Timelines (Estimated):
For Uganda- agency information says that we should expect to travel within 6-9 months after Dossier submission and Child Referral (We already have the referral).  This is only their basic estimate and may happen faster or slower.

For the Democratic Republic of Congo- agency information says that the average wait time for a referral of a child is 0-12 months once the Dossier is submitted.  We hope zero, but we'll see.  After the referral it will be another 6-9 months until we would expect to travel.  This is only their basic estimate and may happen faster or slower.

I am getting excited that this is all coming together!!

And So the Craziness Begins...

We are now officially one of those CRAZY families who are pursuing a concurrent adoption!  We have submitted our application today for adopting from the Democratic Republic of Congo!

We have felt led by the Lord to begin this process and we are very excited about it!  Some people may think it is crazy to be adopting from two different countries at the same time, using two different agencies, a third agency for our homestudy, and living in a completely different county from all of these!  But we say that we are crazy for what God is crazy about!

Recently while praying about this decision in our lives, I asked the Lord, "Where do you want us to adopt from?  We want to make the right decision.  Uganda, the DRC, where?"  And immediately I felt the reply, "Where wouldn't you adopt from?"  There are orphans in both countries, children that need homes and loving families.  Why would I limit God and say, "Whoa now God, we only have room for orphans from one country at a time, please."  Who else is going to die of hunger or disease, or be mistreated, while we wait to adopt from only one country at a time?  The need is great.

Me: But God, I don't know if I can handle all this!  

God: I know, but I can.  And I will be with you, and enable you to do all that I desire of you.

Praise the Lord that He is strong when I am weak!  And so the craziness begins...

BAD NEWS, but NEWS THAT GOD HAS ORDAINED

Yes, it is BAD NEWS.

My heart has been ripped open this weekend as we were told by our agency that we will NOT be able to adopt from Burundi.  We were told that what they discovered when they were in Africa a few weeks ago, was that Burundi does not have the system in place to process adoptions according to regulations of the Hague Treaty that they signed.  They are simply not at the point to process anything right now.  And adoptions from Burundi at this point are NOT A VIABLE OPTION.

I feel that we have suffered a terrible loss.  Our hopes, our dreams, our prayers for our little child from Burundi have been cut off.  We will not get to see them come to fruition, at least not at this time.  I can not describe how painful it has been to deal with this loss, as well as wrestle with questioning what God is doing with our lives.  Let's just say I have cried every day that we found out, multiple times a day.

I did not want to share this info with anyone.  I did not want to be exposed.  I felt so raw.  But, God was working hard on my heart.  He has shown me a lot in these past couple of days.  I have been faced with my desire to control everything in life.  I have been faced with my own pride.  I have been faced with my lack of faith.  I have been pushed placed at the bottom.  But this is exactly where I need to be.  Completely dependent on the Lord, not on myself.

It is here at the bottom that I have a choice to offer worship to My God as a sacrifice of praise, when I don't feel like trusting Him.  My feelings do not change the fact of who God is.  They do not change the fact that I must trust Him, and give Him thanks in all circumstances.

I simply DO NOT UNDERSTAND what God is doing.  I want to know WHY?  Why did this happen?  Why did we spend our time, energy, and resources on a baby that will never come to be with our family?  But I do not have to know why.  I do not have to understand.  That is what faith is about!  What I must know, is what God says to be true in His Word,

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." ~Romans 8:28

God is working this loss for good in my life.  I may not see the good now, or maybe not ever (Oh, I hope I do!), but He is working.

Well, where does that leave us now?  We have been praying for wisdom on what to do next.  

I will be honest with you on how things are shaking out.  Our current agency has given us the option to go with their Uganda program.  Typically, the children that are available are an older age than we were originally hoping to find.  However, they may have a child for us.  I cannot give you details.  Besides, there is a lot of work to do in order to get to the point where we could adopt this certain child.  But we have told them that we are open to the possibility.

In addition, we are considering joining another agency to pursue a concurrent adoption from the Democratic Republic of Congo.  This program may work out well for our family.  We will see where it leads us, as we are just beginning to be open to new possibilities.

So, this means that our lives are about to change a bit.  

-Concurrent adoptions means that we may need more finances than we expected (on top of the fact that we may have lost all the money that we put into our old agency).

-We need a LOT of prayer for this journey.

-I haven't mentioned it yet, but Mark will also be heading off on an "all-expense paid vacation to the middle east" during this time as well, which may complicate things.

-We will have to start over with some of the paperwork.

But as crazy as our lives are going to be in 2011, God is in it!  He is working something that we can't understand.  And it is really amazing that He has even given me the strength and hope to write this blog and to continue on this process after our devastating loss.  I am not confident that I won't cry tomorrow, or even for the next whole week.  But what else can I do but move ahead in God's grace?

So our Bad News was really bad, but my perspective is one that must change to the fact that it was News That Was Ordained By God for us.  It was His way of telling us that He had a different plan for us.  It was His way of moving us onto His path, in His perfect timing.

Not my will, but Your will be done, Lord!