We're Expecting......!

We got our referral of a baby in Uganda, and.........

IT'S A GIRL!!!!!!!!

Our Soon-to-Be Daughter: She is super cute! She is about four months old right now and seems to be healthy.  We are super excited that this came so quickly and unexpectantly.  As we said before, we really had to let go and let God have his way with our adoption process.  It was when we were suffering the disappointment of losing our hope to adopt from Burundi that Uganda came along.  We didn't expect it, nor think of it, but God placed it in our laps.  On top of that, He has now placed a little girl in our view.  This is God's amazing favor upon us!!  We hope that we will soon become her family.  She has been set apart for our family, but it will take a lot of paperwork before we can bring her home.

Timeline: Those in the adoption world know there is a usual timeline to international adoptions.  That has not been true with us.  We have been blessed to have received information about our soon-to-be daughter, but we have been put in the position that we have to start all over from ground zero with our paperwork.  It doesn't make sense, but that is where we are.

Paperwork: On Saturday we visited the lady who will be preparing our homestudy, and we found out that nothing seems to have "transferred."  All our hard work getting paperwork done since a year and a half ago, all the time spent, all the money spent, all the agonizing.... none of it has made a tangible difference in where we are now.  This is very hard for me to deal with.  I am frustrated.  But though there may not be a practical outcome to what we went through, there are so many lessons that were learned.  There has been spiritual growth and educational growth.  I feel like I know a TON more now than when we started this process brand new.  Though, I still have a lot to learn!  I have also learned many lessons of trusting the Lord.  I see why worrying is so unproductive, because things will happen in God's perfect timing!

Pregnancy: So we are Paper Pregnant!  We are expecting.  Being at this stage is like when you first find out that you are pregnant.  It seems unbelievable, and you don't really notice any difference, but you know that it is really true, and there will be a baby coming in about 9 months.  We expect about the same timeline with our "pregnancy," but it could go much quicker.  The coolest part of our version, is that we already know at this point that it will be a girl!  We also know her name, and what she looks like!  This is so cool!  There are, of course, precautions.  We know that nothing is "for certain" at this point.  We may experience an "adoption miscarriage" and not be able to bring her home with us.  So, we trust and pray that we will, but lay everything in God's hands.

Prayer: Please pray for us!  We have a lot of work to do to get ready for baby Struska to come home. Pray that I do not get overwhelmed by the paperwork.  Pray that things move smoothly and quickly though the mail. Pray that she is protected and taken care of.  Pray for the legal work that needs to happen in Uganda.  Pray for a time of patient waiting as we watch her grow older and older in the orphanage and long to bring her home.  Also, please pray for us as we prepare paperwork for our other adoption from the Democratic Republic of Congo at the same time!


Pictures: So, we are not sharing her name on here just yet, nor full pictures.  But I wanted to leave you with some clues to what she looks like.

Here is her cute little hand.  She is dressed in an adorable yellow shirt:

She already has a lot of hair!

And somebody dressed her in a baseball outfit.  Hmm.... I wonder what that means for her future?

Please feel free to drop us a note of encouragement.  If anyone knows some great organizational tips for a truckload of paperwork, send them our way!  Thank you all for your prayers for us on this journey!

And So the Craziness Begins...

We are now officially one of those CRAZY families who are pursuing a concurrent adoption!  We have submitted our application today for adopting from the Democratic Republic of Congo!

We have felt led by the Lord to begin this process and we are very excited about it!  Some people may think it is crazy to be adopting from two different countries at the same time, using two different agencies, a third agency for our homestudy, and living in a completely different county from all of these!  But we say that we are crazy for what God is crazy about!

Recently while praying about this decision in our lives, I asked the Lord, "Where do you want us to adopt from?  We want to make the right decision.  Uganda, the DRC, where?"  And immediately I felt the reply, "Where wouldn't you adopt from?"  There are orphans in both countries, children that need homes and loving families.  Why would I limit God and say, "Whoa now God, we only have room for orphans from one country at a time, please."  Who else is going to die of hunger or disease, or be mistreated, while we wait to adopt from only one country at a time?  The need is great.

Me: But God, I don't know if I can handle all this!  

God: I know, but I can.  And I will be with you, and enable you to do all that I desire of you.

Praise the Lord that He is strong when I am weak!  And so the craziness begins...

Where we are now....

I guess that I am announcing that we are officially beginning the process to adopt from Uganda.  This is something totally unexpected for us in this journey.  We started out fully pursuing Burundi, and now here we are in the Uganda program with our new agency.  We are not sure where this journey towards Uganda will take us.  We are not even sure that it will eventually come to an adoption, but that is our pursuit at this point.

Why are we adopting from Uganda?  Because that seems to be where the Lord has placed us.  He placed us.  Not we chose this for ourselves and made it happen on our own terms.  He has a purpose for us being in this program at this time.  Maybe it took awhile to get here, and a lot of disappointment, but He has brought us here.  I have peace in knowing that I did not control this situation.  I did not force it, and I did not tell God, "You must do it this way!"  Uganda happened to us.

God has shown me so much of His goodness and favor recently.  We are excited to see where this new program leads us!  We have a lot of paperwork to do still for this.  So please pray the process goes smoothly.

We are also still looking into the Democratic Republic of Congo.  I am being very cautious before we decide anything.  But maybe, soon enough we will be officially in that program as well.  Thanks for all your prayers!

BAD NEWS, but NEWS THAT GOD HAS ORDAINED

Yes, it is BAD NEWS.

My heart has been ripped open this weekend as we were told by our agency that we will NOT be able to adopt from Burundi.  We were told that what they discovered when they were in Africa a few weeks ago, was that Burundi does not have the system in place to process adoptions according to regulations of the Hague Treaty that they signed.  They are simply not at the point to process anything right now.  And adoptions from Burundi at this point are NOT A VIABLE OPTION.

I feel that we have suffered a terrible loss.  Our hopes, our dreams, our prayers for our little child from Burundi have been cut off.  We will not get to see them come to fruition, at least not at this time.  I can not describe how painful it has been to deal with this loss, as well as wrestle with questioning what God is doing with our lives.  Let's just say I have cried every day that we found out, multiple times a day.

I did not want to share this info with anyone.  I did not want to be exposed.  I felt so raw.  But, God was working hard on my heart.  He has shown me a lot in these past couple of days.  I have been faced with my desire to control everything in life.  I have been faced with my own pride.  I have been faced with my lack of faith.  I have been pushed placed at the bottom.  But this is exactly where I need to be.  Completely dependent on the Lord, not on myself.

It is here at the bottom that I have a choice to offer worship to My God as a sacrifice of praise, when I don't feel like trusting Him.  My feelings do not change the fact of who God is.  They do not change the fact that I must trust Him, and give Him thanks in all circumstances.

I simply DO NOT UNDERSTAND what God is doing.  I want to know WHY?  Why did this happen?  Why did we spend our time, energy, and resources on a baby that will never come to be with our family?  But I do not have to know why.  I do not have to understand.  That is what faith is about!  What I must know, is what God says to be true in His Word,

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." ~Romans 8:28

God is working this loss for good in my life.  I may not see the good now, or maybe not ever (Oh, I hope I do!), but He is working.

Well, where does that leave us now?  We have been praying for wisdom on what to do next.  

I will be honest with you on how things are shaking out.  Our current agency has given us the option to go with their Uganda program.  Typically, the children that are available are an older age than we were originally hoping to find.  However, they may have a child for us.  I cannot give you details.  Besides, there is a lot of work to do in order to get to the point where we could adopt this certain child.  But we have told them that we are open to the possibility.

In addition, we are considering joining another agency to pursue a concurrent adoption from the Democratic Republic of Congo.  This program may work out well for our family.  We will see where it leads us, as we are just beginning to be open to new possibilities.

So, this means that our lives are about to change a bit.  

-Concurrent adoptions means that we may need more finances than we expected (on top of the fact that we may have lost all the money that we put into our old agency).

-We need a LOT of prayer for this journey.

-I haven't mentioned it yet, but Mark will also be heading off on an "all-expense paid vacation to the middle east" during this time as well, which may complicate things.

-We will have to start over with some of the paperwork.

But as crazy as our lives are going to be in 2011, God is in it!  He is working something that we can't understand.  And it is really amazing that He has even given me the strength and hope to write this blog and to continue on this process after our devastating loss.  I am not confident that I won't cry tomorrow, or even for the next whole week.  But what else can I do but move ahead in God's grace?

So our Bad News was really bad, but my perspective is one that must change to the fact that it was News That Was Ordained By God for us.  It was His way of telling us that He had a different plan for us.  It was His way of moving us onto His path, in His perfect timing.

Not my will, but Your will be done, Lord!

Feels Like the Clouds are Breaking!

I needed to get out an update, but we have been on vacation for the last week.  


Things are really looking up!  One of the directors and founders of our new agency is going to be in Burundi in a few weeks!  This is HUGE!  We are not only getting more information, but we actually seeing someone go there to figure things out.  Please be in prayer for her as she left today for a conference on her way out.  She will be going to Uganda first, since they have a program there, and then on to Burundi.  She and another agency employee will be in Burundi on April 18-20, so this is a crucial time for your prayers!


We have received several emails from her already, and she has said about the trip that she is "hopeful that [she] can obtain information on current children that are available for adoption."  That may be info on OUR child!  But they are really going to try to figure out why there has been such a delay in the process, and she said, "I am very hopeful that we can figure this out. I am also hopeful that we will get the information that we want."  This is so great!


Maybe it's strange to be so ecstatic about an email, but you have to understand where we have come from.  We have had virtually no communication from our old agency for the past three or four months.  Yes, I knew they were busy, there was nothing to share, and they were moving offices, etc.  But seriously... no communication?  Our new agency has said that they will try to be in contact with us at least once a month.  That is a big improvement.


Some new information came out in our new agency's email sent out recently.  It's amazing how much can change in a year!  I remember the end of 2009 calling up our old agency, and hearing all about their Burundi program.  They seemed excited about it, confident about it, ready to plug us in.  By the end of 2010, they were trying to figure out a way to get out of the "business."  And when I talked to them in December, and early January, absolutely nothing was mentioned about this big change!  Apparently, many other families were feeling the same way, wondering why were weren't getting much communication.  Our new agency has hinted that they have sensed a general dissatisfaction with the way things were going, and they want to "turn things around."  It kind of amazes me that we were not alone in what we were experiencing.


One of the feelings I have is that we made a "mistake."  We were the one who chose the "wrong" agency.  If we had only researched more!  But I can not keep thinking "if only" statements.  The truth that I must dwell on (Phil 4:8) is that we felt led to this agency.  We felt led to the Burundi program.  Does God make mistakes?  NO!  He knows exactly what He is doing.  He led us to the place that we are at.  He had a plan all along for us to start our process with one agency, and continue with another... even though we didn't know it, and would not have chosen it that way.  What is great to remember is that God is in control!  One agency's failure to complete our adoption did not change God's plan for us.


Thank you all for your prayers.  
-Pray for safe travel for our agency's workers in Africa.  
-Pray that they can get all the necessary information to sustain an adoption program in Burundi.  
-Pray that they can even get information on new children and lots of pictures. 
-Pray for our hearts as we wait for their return to hear how things went.


I will update more when I can!

Major Changes

News Update: We have just received an email from our agency saying that they are "retiring from the field and moving on."  I can't say that I am super surprised.  In the last couple of months we have received very little communication from our agency, and recently heard that they were "moving" offices.  What little communication we have had has not been directed to us, but has been a mass email or message sent to a lot of families.  So, I guess I kind of felt like something like this was going to happen.

I imagined something worse, that they would shut down the program, skip town, and all our money and progress would be lost.  But thankfully, that is not the case.  Instead, all the families will be transferred over to another agency, called Agape Adoptions.  I do not know very much about this agency, but they are supposed to contact us within the next two weeks.  They will be taking on our family, and the Burundi program.

One good thing mentioned in the email was that Agape will be traveling to Burundi next month!  They are going there to work with the adoption contact in the country to try to get these Burundi adoptions started.  This is exciting news for us, since we have felt little progress was being made in Burundi for the last several months.  It feels like progress!

Prayer: I have no idea how our family will mesh with the new agency.  I pray that they will be able to guide us wisely, and communicate with us often.  I pray that they will know how to deal with a family in our situation, ie. living overseas and such.  Please pray with us as we transition to something new!

My thoughts: It has been tempting to look at blogs of many other adopting families, see their quick progress, and become frustrated and jealous.  There are even thoughts like: Should we change programs?  Should we have gone with a different agency?  Should we switch to domestic adoption?  Should we have not pursued this after all?  But I have honestly felt that we have a child waiting for us in Burundi.  So I am glad that we stuck with our program.  Even considering that the few families ahead of us in the program have all dropped out and gone with another country.  I don't know where the families following us stand now, but we are set to be the first to adopt from Burundi, and that is exciting!  It is also scary, since there is no procedure in place to predict how things will go.

One thing is for sure, by pursuing an adoption from Burundi, it has opened my eyes to a lot of things.  God has been using several books and passages of scripture recently to build in me a heart for the orphan, for the poor, for the distressed, for the widow, for Africa.  Let me just share a few things.

Radical, by David Platt

This book is kind of earth shaking!  It caused me to look at my life through Jesus' eyes, and in comparison to the rest of the world.  I am richer than 99% of the world!  My "latest toy" could feed an entire family year, maybe!  Going along nicely is this book:

Interrupted, by Jen Hatmaker

  

This book, written more like a diary, again calls to mind the disparity of what we have compared to the rest of the world.  Crazy stats like, someone dies of hunger every 16 seconds!  That means someone has just died from hunger, which is totally preventable, by the time you finish reading these last couple of lines!  And in the last hour, 66 children under the age of 15 were infected with HIV!

Then, one of the first books (not websites) I read about Burundi is this one:

This Voice in My Heart, by Gilbert Tuhabonye

This is a true story of a man from Burundi who survived the civil war/genocide conflict in Burundi in the 1990's and went on to become a world class runner.  His story is so inspiring, and I learned a lot about Burundi culture through the book as well.

What I recently finished is this book:

Strength in What Remains, by Tracy Kidder

Wow!  A great book about another man who survived the genocide, and made his way to New York.  He tells his story of trying to be a medical student, and then becoming a bottom-rung immigrant in New York.  The book, written by a friend of the Burundian man, describes Burundi in so much detail!  I find that this book was even a little more fair to both sides of the conflict than the first book.  I don't know if you know anything about Burundi's history, but it mirrors Rwanda's history to some degree.  Burundi is made up of mostly the Hutu people group, and then some Tutsi peoples, and a small few of the original inhabitants, the Twa people.  The "Voice in My heart" book was written by a Tutsi and came from his perspective.  But this book brings a little more of the Hutu and Tutsi perspective, and even explains where they came up with those names in the first place.  But, the book also explains some of the poor conditions that some Burundians live in.

In 2010, Burundi was ranked the poorest, the bottom country, in Gross domestic product (GDP) per capita.  It consistently ranks in the bottom 10% of countries economically.  Honestly, what frustrates me right now is that it is not receiving much attention.  Maybe I am a little biased because we are adopting from there, but I think most of the attention is going toward Rwanda.  Yes, they experienced horrible tragedy in the past as well, and yes, they are very poor too.  Many programs already exist in Rwanda.  Adoptions are happening in Rwanda.  People are taking missions trips to Rwanda.  Who is going to Burundi?  Not many.  Who is helping the poor in Burundi?  (Please, no offense to anyone adopting from, or involved in Rwanda)

Well, since I am reading through the Bible in a year, I have recently come across a passage in Deuteronomy.  It is where the people of Israel are getting instructions for how they are to live when they go in and settle in the land promised to them by God.  Read through Deut. 15:7-11.  But, I'll just write out one verse that I really like: 

"For the poor will never cease to be in the land; therefore I command you, saying, 'You shall freely open your hand to your brother, to your needy and poor in your land.'" -Deut. 15:11

How are we "freely opening" our hands?  How are we giving generously?  How are we taking care of the poor?  How am I doing these things?  These are a lot of the questions I am dealing with and going through right now. 

So, I just wanted to share what has been going on.  We continue to trust that God knows what He is doing with our adoption, and with the Burundi program as it transitions to new hands.  (But we know all along that it is in God's hands).  We are excited to see what happens next.  I will keep you informed.  Thanks for stopping by!

Nothing new

Sorry for the lack of updates, but unfortunately there is nothing to tell.  We are in the same place as we were a month ago... waiting.  We have heard that our agency is still trying to get information from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Burundi, but it isn't happening very quickly.  So, we continue to wait with our eyes on the Lord, and trusting in His timing for everything.

It has been easy to not think about the wait for the last month, because we were in the process of moving to a new house!  With being so busy with that, I haven't been worrying about updating anything.  We hope to hear something soon.  So please pray that things will move along in the Burundi government, and that there would be clear communication with everyone involved.