One...Two...More??

Recently we have been preparing our application to request permission from the US government to bring a foreign child into the United States through adoption.  This application is called the I-800A.  Filing out forms is easy enough, but this form presented a dilemma for me.

As Mark and I are going though this process, we have been planning on and picturing bringing home one young child to begin our family.  Our home study, interestingly, indicates that we are approved to bring home two children.  I think because we had originally told our home study provider that we are looking to adopt a child, but we would be open to a young sibling pair.  The question the I-800A asks is this: 

"Do you plan to concurrently adopt more than one child from the same Convention country? (Home study must contain a specific recommendation for the number of children you plan to adopt)"  Then we have to check "Yes" or "No" and "How Many?" 

What?  We have to make a decision now?  Our home study says two children, but what if we only want one?  I am not good at test questions like this!  What will the government think if we only adopt one child?  

And then I thought, God... what does this mean?  Are we supposed to adopt two children??  But this is how I was feeling... I only want to adopt one child first, so I can get the whole "mommy" thing figured out, and figure out how to connect to my child and help them feel apart of our family.  Then after that, we'll see what comes next.  But in my heart I know that once having my one child home, I will feel like I have more love to give, and more room in our home for another child.  How could I not feel this way?

And here's the thing, if we are presented with the option to adopt one young child of a sibling pair, how could we not adopt the sibling as well?  It would break our hearts to leave one behind.  Plus, there's all the other things that run through my head... our first child needs a play mate, it would be nice to have a brother or sister that looks like them, we want increase our family anyway, etc. etc.  But does that mean two at once?  

(Just a random photo of some orphans)

Only God can tell.  This we know.  God is sovereign, and He is a loving God over all creation.  He knows the child and/or children that will be joining our family.  He knows when they will be joining our family.  Is God trustworthy?  Absolutely!  Do I trust Him enough to put my faith in action, take a leap of faith, and fully believe that He will enable us to parent two children at once and provide for us in mighty ways?  That is what I pray I have the strength to do.  

This is what God has been showing me recently...  I must be willing to be humble and to rest in my weakness.  It is the very place God wants me to be, so that His power is made perfect in my weakness!  I cannot wait until I become the "perfect" mom before I adopt.  I cannot wait until I have fully implemented all the attachment strategies with my first child before even considering another.  Don't get me wrong, I am fully committed to working hard with our children to help them feel a part of our family, attached, and loved.  Does any new mom feel she is ready and perfect before having a child?  I am not perfect.  But I know Someone who is!  God can heal any hurt and trauma our children will experience.  He can use me to help them know about Him.  But I must not get in the way by trying to do things in my own strength.  I must be comfortable in my weakness, only so that he can be my strength. (This is hard for me because I am a perfectionist).

I must decrease.  He must increase.

Though the simple I-800A question caused me to think about so many things, it is worth it.  In the end, we said, "Yes, 2 children," knowing now that this does not mean we ARE adopting 2 children.  But that we have the option to if God calls us to do it.  So, don't freak out, we don't have any information on children yet.  We are just working on paperwork now, and dealing with the US government.  Thanks for bothering to read my crazy thoughts!